Finding a way back
by Mia805
Summary: Chuck and Blair had been happy, but then Jack Bass had returned causing their relationship to fall apart,destroying them. Two years later they meet again? Will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers up to season 3. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**So this story came into my mind, when I first heard the spoilers of Jack Bass' return. **

**For those who (actually) read my other story "The long road" don't worry, I'm continuing it, I just need a little break from it since the lack of reviews for the last chapter I'm a bit unmotivated right now. But like I said I'm definitely going to continue it (next weekend).**

**Hope you enjoy this story. Please R&R,**

**xoxo, Mia**

Today was his 20th birthday and exactly like last year, Blair wanted to spend the day alone, all by herself, well almost by herself.

She had borrowed her father's car and had driven to a beautiful spot which was located about one hour away out of the city.

She had passed her driver's license about a year ago and she was thankful for the independence.

In New York driving around in your own car was pure insanity but here in Europe, France the ability to drive was convenient.

Right now she was sitting on a bench on a small hill, admiring the view above her – endless fields of lavender.

Like last year and well, to be honest every single day or well night – because during the day she kept herself busy – her mind wandered back to him – her heart clenching with pain, a pain that hadn't subsided in the past two years - , to Chuck and their relationship and to everything that had left her here in France, all alone, all by herself – well almost by herself.

**********

They had been happy Almost a year they had been going strong, had been inseparable. Ten month of bliss, joy and passionate love making.

And then? Then Jack Bass had entered their life like a tornado. The destruction and the damage he had left was unspeakable.

At first the crack in their relationship had been invisible. Well nearly invisible.

It had been a week after Jack's return, when Blair had visited in his suite after class.

Although it hadn't even been six pm, Chuck had been drinking.

Blair had smelled the familiar scent of scotch immediately.

Chuck hadn't been completely drunk though, but Blair had sensed that something had been wrong.

Of course Chuck wasn't a saint and never had been one before but the drinking at this time on a working day had been unusual. Ever since Chuck had inherited his father's company and had been chosen as CEO of Bass' Industries, he had remained sober during the day.

Of course sometimes during a lunch meeting, he would drink a glass of scotch to seal a successful business deal but as Blair had eyed the bottle of scotch, she had been able to see that the bottle had been almost empty.

"Hey you, I was thinking we could go to Butter and afterwards we could go home and I'll let you have your way with me." She had decided to ignore the scotch and had given him a quick peck on the lips while smiling seductively.

"I'm not in the mood for going out." He had looked quite pissed.

"What happened? What is it?"

"Damn it Blair! Why on earth should have something happened? Why can't I just not be in the mood for going out without you jumping to conclusions, I'm just tired for heaven's sake."

Blair had flinched by his harsh words and had abruptly turned around to leave the apartment.

Before she had reached the door, Chuck had gently grabbed her by the shoulder. He had turned her around kissing her deeply and hugging her tightly. He had buried his face in her hair inhaling her scent with his nose. "I'm sorry, Jack had visited me today at the office and he had provoked me but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. How about we stay in, and you'll let me have my way with you right now?"

"Right here, right now, Bass, what are you waiting for?"

They had had incredible sex that night as Chuck had tried to make it up to her for his earlier behaviour.

Blair had thought that they would be ok but gosh how wrong she had been. Chuck had been getting moodier from week to week and he had started to control her.

One evening she had studied longer than she had intended to and when she had returned to Chuck's apartment/suite he had been so pissed and angry.

"Where have you been, have you been with him?"

"What are you talking about" With whom should I have been? I was studying".

"With Jack, you've been with him, right. Oh yeah he had given me some juicy details about your night on New Years Eve. How you screamed his name while climaxing, how you…"

"Chuck, stop. That's exactly what he wants; he wants to destroy us and what we have. Don't let him do this. Please. Don't let him win. I love you and I was depressed that night because you were gone and I was drunk, so drunk I could barely walk straight. I regret that night ever since. I regret that night every single day. Chuck, you're it for me and I'm sorrier than I could ever tell you."

"If you love me as much as you say you do, then how in the world you're able to explain those pictures?"

He had shown her a couple of pictures; practically had shoved them into her face.

Blair had paled by the sight of them. They had shown her and Jack kissing passionately – at least that had been the impression the pictures would give to those who looked at them.

Truth be told, Jack had waited in front of her dorm room the week before and he had caught her by surprise crushing his mouth on hers attacking her with his lips. She had fought him of, though, a fact that couldn't be seen on those pictures and had slapped him hard, also something that hadn't been evident from them.

"Well what? Have you lost your voice?

"Chuck, listen, yes he kissed me but I didn't kiss him back. Please, you have to trust me."

"How could I trust you? You could have told me. But you didn't, so I assume it wasn't as harmless and one-sided as you want to make me believe."

"Chuck, I…"

"Blair! Stop! I can't do this anymore. Every time I look at you, I see him touching you, I imagine how he touches you, how he…. It's over Blair. Pack your stuff and leave".

"Chuck, please don't this, I love you. Please I love you more than anything."

Blair had pleaded and she had cried, tears continually streaming down her face.

It had been no use. While Blair had packed her stuff, he had looked out of the window with a stony expression on his face.

She had left and had returned to her dorm room. She couldn't go to the Waldorf penthouse that night.

She had cried for what seemed an eternity.

There had been a knock on her door and when she had opened it, it had been Chuck, looking as hell as she had felt and was still feeling.

He had kissed her hungrily and with desperation and she had held him tightly and had kissed him with the same desperation. "Are you sure?" Blair had given him her answer by kissing him with even more force than before. "That won't change a thing" and Blair had known that too and had continued kissing him.

They had barely been undressed when Chuck had lifted her up thrusting into her. His pace had been frantic but she had welcomed that. They had climaxed together and Chuck had carried her over to the bed and this time they had made love taking their time.

The next morning Chuck had been gone. Without a note. Without an explanation.

But Blair had known him well enough. Therefore she hadn't been surprised.

Ten hours later she had been in a plane to France, a plane headed to Paris. All alone, all by herself – well almost by herself.

**tbc…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everybody, thanks a lot for your amazing reviews. Sorry for the delay. I know it has been quite a while, but work is eating me alive and I have a nasty cold, which prevented me from writing.**

**Anyway here is an update. Special thanks goes to guardian izz (I definitely will use your information of Sorbonne University for my next chapter. **

**Sorry to Simply Shelby. I wasn't aware that one of your stories had the same title, although I'm a big fan of your work. I'll find another title for this story as soon as possible.**

**One question: how would you feel, if Chuck had a new girlfriend and if yes who should it be? Tell me what you think. In other words please R&R.**

**Enjoy, **

**xoxo, Mia**

Chuck was in a bad mood, in a very bad mood. Ever since he had gotten up this morning it had gotten worse and worse.

It had started when he had gotten up this morning. He had awoken with a throbbing headache – a result of his last night activities. He and Nate had been to Victrola last night and to say, they had been drunk, would have been the understatement of the year.

At midnight they had downed one more bottle of scotch and whiskey and this had fully erased Chuck's memory from the date.

But today – after the buzz of being drunk had worn off and reality and a great hangover had caught up with him – it all had came back and the memories had rushed him over like a truck.

Today was his birthday, his 20th birthday. Normally for any other person (or at least a lot of persons) a birthday was a day full of joy and happiness, but Chuck was anything than normal or any other persons. He was Chuck Bass for heaven's sake.

This date and the days combined to it, didn't mean his entrance into this world in Chuck's mind, they just signified the day of his mother's death. It was the day, Chuck had became a murderer and the guilt had never stopped since his sixth birthday, when he had found out the truth, the truth that had changed his life forever – also he was reluctant to admit this even to himself.

The day had gotten worse, when he had ran into a tiny brunette, while he was about to leave the Empire Hotel to head to his office. He was just about to enter the limo that would bring him to his destination, when he had bumped into her.

She had apologized, but after one intense look at her, his response had only been some words mumbled under his breath.

The sight of this tiny brunette stranger, had sent his memories right back to her, to Blair Waldorf – not that this was even necessary, his mind was always with her twenty four seven, but he somehow had managed to get himself lost in some important business staff and now this.

Even after two years of nothing, she still was his drug. Chuck Bass was still addicted to Blair Waldorf.

Of course this stranger hadn't had her rich brown hair which looked like chocolate when hit by the sunlight/daylight, her eyes – which he had been able to catch a short look at – hadn't have that caramel deep brown colour of Blair's eyes were he could get lost in by just looking into them for just a second, her skin hadn't been as delicate as Blair's pale one and her frame hadn't been as perfect as Blair's.

And to make things even more badly, Serena had insisted that he would go to a family dinner with them, well with his family. Every attempt he had made to avoid that, were easily regarded by his stepsister or well sister. She had insisted on this dinner promising him that it wouldn't be a celebration of his birthday, but just a casual get together with family and friends, well Nate for that matter, but he was considered family, even more so, now he was dating Jenny Humphrey (Chuck's little sister Jenny) again.

***********

He was sitting in his office getting over some important papers for the deal, he was about to seal in France the next day. But for the life of him, he couldn't get the information in his head, although he had read and reread those papers for what felt like the billionth time.

As hard he tried to concentrate on the subject, his mind always drifted back to her and their life together. They had been so happy and in love it had almost been ridiculous.

Chuck had been surprised how easy it was being a boyfriend and doing that commitment/relationship thing. He never had been bored or had felt caged by her presence – and they had been seeing each other a lot – au contraire he had felt – and still felt – miserable when she had stayed at the dorms overnight to study or at the Waldorf penthouse, when her mother had insisted, Blair should spent some or more time with her and Cyrus.

He craved her, not only their sex life which had been passionate and fulfilling, but her simple presence. She had been his oxygen. He had given her a key to his penthouse suite and ever since that day, he and her, they had considered it their home.

But then Jack Bass had entered their life again and he had destroyed them. He hadn't left out a opportunity to remind Chuck, that he had slept with Blair on that New Years Eve Chuck had disappeared to Bangkok.

The mere thought of Jack touching her, almost had sent him over the edge and it had been hard to control his anger and to not throw punches at his uncle.

Whenever they had met, Chuck had tried to keep his calm – successfully. He had known that Jack just had waited for him to loose his temper. But Chuck hadn't done him that favour – at least not on the outside. The inside of Chuck had been a whole other story. He had grown distant towards Blair and he had started to take his anger out on her.

He had snapped at her on several occasions. But that hadn't been all, he had started to control her, had asked her, where she had been when she had been late. Blair had answered with patience and had tried to be extra sensitive and extra attentive towards him, because she had known – like she always had, what had been bothering him.

His last birthday they had spent together, she hadn't made a fuss about it being his birthday, she just had continued their normal routine which meant they had had an exquisite dinner and a long night of passionate sex or lovemaking - because what they did, couldn't be considered or compared to simple sex, it was lovemaking – and Blair had made sure he had felt loved and wanted and that he wasn't alone in this world and that she needed him more than the air she was breathing.

One night he had received a bunch of photos and this couple of photos had finally sent him over the edge. They had shown Blair and Jack kissing, what they hadn't shown was Jack kissing Blair and Blair slapping him hard afterwards.

But although he had known deep inside that he hadn't been cheating on him, he just couldn't take it anymore. Those photos just had visualized what had haunted him in his dreams ever since Jack had invaded their life – Jack touching her, kissing her, thrusting into her.

He had ended it this night. He had ended them. He had ended their relationship. He had ended their life together and he had ended his happiness that night.

She had begged him to reconsider his decision and the tears in her eyes and streaming down her face had nearly broken his heart, but he just hadn't been able to reconsider. He had worn a stony expression and had remained silent while she was packing her stuff and things.

But later that night he had felt so miserable and he had visited her at her dorm room. Who was he kidding, he hadn't been miserable, he had been desperate and he had tried to heal them for one more night and had tried to block out every unpleasant memory just for their last night together, their last moment together. Because they both had known that this was what it was – their last time together.

After he had taken her against the wall with her clutching onto him like her life had depended on it and hugging him tightly like she had been afraid that they would fall apart if she would let him go, their second time had been gentle and sweet and desperate.

After she had fallen asleep, he had watched her and had stroked her curly hair, her cheek and then before he had left, he had gently kissed her on the lips whispering a soft "I love you".

And then it had been over and since that day he hadn't heard from her or at least he had refused to hear from her. The last thing he had known, was she had taken off to France.

Serena had tried to argue with him to bring her back, but he had blocked her out and had shut down completely. After a while she had shrugged her shoulders. And all of a sudden she had stopped.

Lily had taken care of Jack. He had disappeared only one week after, Chuck and Blair had been separated. How Lily had managed to do so, Chuck didn't know and he had never asked.

But it didn't matter anyway, because Jack had succeeded, he had destroyed them and this couldn't be fixed.

**********

The dinner had gone quite smoothly and now he, Serena and Nate who had decided to accompany Chuck on his business trip, were of to France.

**tbc…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone, I know it's been quite a while, but work is a bitch ;-). I'm aware that this chapter is rather short, but I'm going to update this weekend with a longer chapter.**

**Thanks to all of you who have reviewed and put me on their alert lists. Special thanks to guardian izz for all the information (I'll definitely use it) and for the inspiration.**

**I will also change the title of the story to "Finding a way back".**

**What do you think?**

**Enjoy, Mia**

Blair awoke with a start, cold sweat causing her to shiver. Her breathing was heavy and her heart was pounding so frantically in her chest like she had run a marathon.

Shortly after she composed herself by forcing herself to breath in and out slowly. A nightmare. The one she used to have when… after she had arrived to France two years ago. Chuck standing at the rooftop of Victrola, his burlesque club, too close to the edge, too close to falling into nothingness. But in her dream she never saved him, because in the blink of an eyelash Jack had pushed him over the edge of the rooftop, his laughter ringing shrilly in her ears. She always woke up to that laughter, sickness building up in her stomach.

The last time she had had that dream was exactly a year ago –on Chuck's nineteenth birthday.

That night on the rooftop of Victrola she had nearly lost him – and never had she been more terrified in her life.

Of course she had lost him for real two years ago, but at least he was alive.

Her room was bathed in darkness covering her like a comforting blanket.

The day they had broken up or well since he had broken up with her, she had embraced the darkness with joy.

The flight to France had been a blur to her, but thinking back to that fateful day her world had been shattered to pieces, she could remember, she now was able to remember every single detail.

During the whole flight to France she had felt like her body didn't belong to her anymore and she was watching herself from above. Her face had been a stony mask and she hadn't cried – a fact she was now remembering crystal clear.

There hadn't been a single tear, but she knew why she had seemed so calm. She had been in shock, her mind had been blank and the place where her heart should have been, had been void, numb and cold.

The flight attendant had served her a glass of water, but she had barely recognized that she had ordered one. Her eyes had been transfixed to a point and a place she had been able to see.

Her father had awaited her on the airport and she had asked herself why, not remembering that she had called him to tell him that she and Chuck had broken up and that she would from now on live with him and Roman.

Her father had hugged her tightly to his chest, but even then she hadn't been able to cry, it all was way to surreal for her to comprehend what being here in France truly meant for her.

Her father hadn't asked any questions and she had been thankful for that.

They had arrived at her father's chateau around midnight and Blair had disappeared in her room immediately. There she had lied awake for hours, but no coherent thought had been forming in her head. She eventually had fallen asleep, but had been shaken by said nightmare. She probably had screamed in her sleep, because the next thing, she had remembered had been her father, cradling her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, soothing her.

She had been limb in his comforting embrace, but at least she had been able to fall asleep once again. Her bed had become her comfort zone. She had stayed in her bedroom for days and days and weeks and weeks, leaving it only to take a shower. She had barely eaten in those weeks causing her father and Roman to be worried about her, so worried that Harold had finally threatened her to call Eleanor.

The threat hadn't done the trick though, as Blair had still refused to eat more, well technically she hadn't refused, she just hadn't cared, just like she hadn't cared about anything anymore.

One week later she had started to throw up and also she had assured her father that she hadn't done it on purpose, he had stayed true to his threat and had called Eleanor.

Just like Harold, Eleanor had been too scared that Blair's condition, how her bulimia was referred to in her family, had resurfaced again, that she had taken the next flight to France, Cyrus in tow.

They had forced her to see a doctor deaf to her assurances that she hadn't thrown up on purpose.

The doctor had run a blood test and had told them that she was underweighted. A fact that had already been clear to any of them.

Two days later Blair had found herself again at the doctor's with Harold and Eleanor at her side.

"Well also your daughter is alarmingly underweighted, she had told the truth about the throwing up thing" he had talked like she hadn't been there even though she had been sitting right in front of him causing Blair to get angry. But before she had been able to voice her anger, the doctor had continued and what he had told them had stopped her dead in her tracks "your daughter is pregnant, Blair you're pregnant. Blair did you hear what I just said? You're expecting a baby."

**tbc…**** I know I know guardian izz a baby, but I couldn't help it ;-) (the gender will be changed to your wishes)**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone. First of all, thanks for your reviews. I know, I promised an update for the weekend, but work starts tomorrow and I had to prepare some stuff. The next two or three weeks are going to be super stressful and therefore I won't be able to update. I try to publish a longer chapter then and I also try to bring more Chair into it. I hope you stay with me until then.

Thanks, Mia


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay. This chapter is just a filler, but I promise things will speed up from the next chapter on. For those who are still with me, please R&R (keeps her fingers crossed ;-) )**

**xoxo, Mia**

The pregnancy had kind of caught her off guard as it had been the last thing she had expected.

Chuck had always precisely made sure that they used proper protection. He never had wanted to risk getting her pregnant as the thought of his mother's fate happening to Blair had scared the hell out of him.

But in the last weeks of their relationship he had been distant or over controlling towards her and in the night of their break up – or the night he had broken up with her – when he had visited her in her dorm room, protection had been the last thing on both of their minds.

The drive home from the doctor's had been passed with a whirlwind of emotions on Blair's side, hysterical laughter or rather strange sounds on Eleanor's side and in complete silence on Harold's side.

As soon as they had reached her father's chateau, Blair had excused herself to her room, leaving a still hysterical Eleanor, her still in control father and a stunned Roman and a always happy and cheery Cyrus behind.

In the safety of her room, she hadn't been able to hold the emotions back. She had started to shake uncontrollably, unsure if those news were the best or worst she had ever heard or received. Of course technically Chuck had broken up with her and being pregnant with a man's child who had just abandoned you, wasn't really ideal, but on the other hand she knew that he hadn't ended their relationship for a manqué of love and that this actually might be the best opportunity for them to reconcile and rekindle their relationship.

Her thoughts had done the trick and she had decided, she would return to New York to confront him with the news – those unexpected news and then he would have to react, because Blair wouldn't get an abortion and he would have to deal with the fact that he was becoming a father and that would bring them back together.

She then had decided to check on Gossip Girl, a thing she had been afraid to do since the night her life had changed for the worse and she had arrived here in France. But now she just had had to check on him, because she had been sure that he would have been as miserable and broken as she had felt ever since.

Before she had gone to the Gossip Girl Site, she had looked through her email account, which had been filled with concerned emails of Serena, some of Nate and even one or two or three of Eric. Blair had been aware that Serena had tried to get in contact with her, but every time the bubbly blonde had called her father's chateau – as Blair's mobile phone had been turned of the whole time she had been here in France – Harold had told her that Blair just needed some time and that she would just call her back, when she would feel better.

Serena had asked him several times if she should come over, as she had been getting worried sick about her best friend's silence treatment, but Harold had always brushed her of (on Blair's demand – it had been one of the rare occasions she had actually really talked to her father who secretly had thought of Serena flying to France as a good idea).

Blair had typed some quick words assuring Serena that she was feeling better not mentioning the pregnancy with one single word and that she eventually would come back home to New York soon.

This announcement to Serena quickly lost his validity – two minutes late to be precise. When Blair finally had opened the Gossip Girl Page, she almost had fainted. There were pictures of Chuck with a woman, several women on different pictures actually. Blondes, redheads, women with dark black hair, brunettes a whole palette of colours.

Gossip Girl announced that Blair, known as the former queen B of the UES, had fled the country and that Chuck Bass was back to his old ways which included next to drinking and partying several bunches of women.

This had been the moment the tears had finally started to fall. Blair just hadn't been able to stop herself. She had cried and cried and cried all night long, sleep finding her just in the early morning hours.

She had felt so broken, lost and unworthy. She had genuinely thought that he would be as miserable as she was and that he would miss her as much as she had been missing him, but now it had seemed like she had never existed, like all they had had in the last past month had just been a little, meaningless intermezzo in the so excited life of the great Chuck Bass – womanizer number one in the UES or even number one in the whole world.

Later that day Blair had told her mother – who had been furious over that decision, but Blair had held her ground until her mother, who wanted to arrange hers and Charles marriage as soon as possible, had given in – that Chuck would never learn about the baby and that she Blair would stay here in France with her father and Roman and that she would apply to law school at Sorbonne University.

And she had. At first the pregnancy had been a bit difficult, because morning sickness had been a real bitch and because Blair had still been hurt by Chuck's current lifestyle and had cried herself to sleep almost every night, but when she first had heard her baby's heartbeat, she had been happy – if only for the moment, but hearing that new life strongly during her sonogram had given her hope, a glimpse of hope. Sure her heart had still been broken beyond repair, but she would always have a part of Chuck with her now.

The pregnancy had become easier during the months and Blair had been able to attend a few classes. Her father and Roman had supported her in every way possible. Her father had gotten her a classy apartment at 38 rue Vivienne, Paris 2ème, which was a good address for a young woman with Blair's age. He had made sure she was properly taken care of during the week when she lived in her own apartment. He had hired a maid, who of course was no Dorota and Blair had let him know that on several occasions. She had complained since it was her nature to do so, but secretly she had been glad.

During the weekends she had always returned to her father's chateau and Harold and Roman had made sure that she had been distracted since they both had known how devastated she had been over her discovery of Chuck's new/old lifestyle and how scared she had been of having a baby.

To prevent Serena from coming to visit her and therefore finding out about the pregnancy, Blair had written her that she would attend law school at Sorbonne University and that she would have to focus on studying, so she wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with her best friend. She had also promised that they would stay continually in contact via email and also Serena hadn't been to happy with that arrangement, she had given her best friend space, a space she had sensed her best friend desperately needed.

Blair had kept her promise and had written Serena on a regular basis.

The birth of Joshua Waldorf – Josh – had been quick and relatively easy with no complications.

Blair had been happy and sad at the same time. Happy because of her beautiful son who had been and still was a healthy child, sad because Chuck hadn't been here with her in that special moment of both of their lives.

**tbc… **

**Please don't hate Chuck, there will be more explanation on his behaviour and not everything is at it seems, so bare with me.**


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